Driving the Red Car

Yesterday, I  was overcome with an overwhelming memory of my first experiences driving a car.

I can remember back when I was about 11, my Dad taking my sister and I out to an old country road, and giving us our first driving lessons. First he showed us all the gadgets, and showed us how when we pushed the gas- the speedometer would change, and when we pushed the brakes, the car would slow down and stop.  He taught us what  P-R-N-D-3-2-1 meant, and then applied it so we could see what he meant.  Then we got to take turns driving. We went all of about a mile on that dirt road between the two of us- and it was the greatest feeling ever.  Scary as could be, but exhilarating at the same time.  I can remember the feeling of power I had, the knowledge that I could control this huge powerful machine, and it was awesome!

Not long after that experience, it became a regular thing that I'd get a call over the CB radio- to come pick up Dad, or my brother from the field.  Always just jumping in the old blue Chevy- and running out there going all of about 30 miles per hour, and no farther than 4 or 5 miles from home.  Always during the day.  Then the call came one time at night, something broke down and they needed me to come get them. No one had ever shown me how to turn the headlights on-  I was panicking!  What do I do? I had no choice, I had to figure it out on my own. See- there was no radio in that truck for me to call for help- I didn't want to go back in the house. I was embarrassed, and determined to make my Dad proud. So I messed with everything in that truck until the lights magically came on- the little button on the floor! Who knew?!   Then driving in the dark- wow, what a change!  But, I did it! And, I was so proud!

Over time- I got a little braver driving and began to go faster on those old dirt roads. One time, I was on my way to the field to get my brother and boy was I kickin' up dust! When I got to the combine- I remember my brother chewing me out for going too fast. I was oblivious to the idea of rolling the truck or  causing an accident. We were only a few miles from home- what could go wrong? I know he was scolding me out of love- NOW- then, I was like what are you freaking out about anyway?

Before long, I was old enough for drivers ed. Now you'd think - all that experience would have had me right on track to pass the class with flying colors and on my way to being the next Mario Andretti- but- honestly. I almost failed! Why?

I had never had to use reverse!  Aside from watching all of those horrible accident videos and reading the boring traffic school textbooks- we had to actually go out and drive a car. Oh boy!

Well, up until this point- I've only ever driven that old blue Chevy! So, the first day the instructor came to pick me up in that shiny red new car- I felt that fear creep up into my very soul! I was terrified!  I got in that car, and pulled out onto the highway, completely white-knuckled for an hour and a half until we got to "the city" to practice driving "in town".  Anxiety.  So. Much. Anxiety!

Well,  at that time, we switched drivers, we messed around with changing a tire and checking the oil and all those weird boy things.... and the other student drove around some- then it was my turn again.  This time we were to practice pulling into a parking space at the mall, and backing out. Say what? People actually do that?  Ok.

So, I pull into the spot, easy peazy. And, I put it into reverse and he says, "Ok, pull out and exit the parking lot to the left." So, I back up and turn the wheel to the left (making me point to the RIGHT of the parking lot). So he kind of clears his throat and tells me to park again and back out so I can exit left.  I repeated my same action.  Now, clearly irritated, he begins to get irate with me. I'm in tears. I can't comprehend how to make the car go the way I want it to.  I had never had to back up-  out on the farm-  I just turned the truck around by driving forward in a circle.  We must have parked and reversed a dozen times before he decided to let the other student take a shot at it.  Clearly giving up on me.  She asked for a break , and I was bawling in the back seat. She happened to be my best friend, well- she crawled back there with me and told me calm down. Then she did something remarkable. She took out a scratch piece of paper, and began to draw a car, and parking spots and an complete visual tutorial for me so that I could comprehend "reverse".  I never realized what a pivotal moment that was in my life.  I wish I had kept that drawing.

So,  I finally showed the instructor that I could indeed operate this red car, and I passed. I went on to get my permit, drivers license and later in life- even taught my husband how to drive.

How often do we go through life just learning the basic skills to get by? In our jobs and careers- do we only do enough to go forward? Do we get a little excited and rush ahead, only to get in trouble for being careless? Do we forget to go back sometimes, and exit left?  Maybe you never learned the entire process? Have you never had that person show you the step by step?

Do you now see how that is holding you back?  There is a pivotal moment in your life, in your career- where you need to take different instruction and learn a new technique. There are times where you need guidance, understanding, and expertise, to help you find the right direction. What would happen had I not calmed myself down, and not listened to my friend? I'd have failed the class. I would have had to wait another year to take the tests.  I'd have lost even more self esteem and respect.  And it would have been all my fault.

Several years later, I was hired on as a truck operator in my Dad's custom harvesting crew. Itty bitty farm truck, you ask? No way. I was now in charge of a grain truck! I had to get a special permit and everything! Now, I had to drive that truck from North Dakota, all the way to Oklahoma- pulling a trailer with combine headers on it. If you don't do farm talk- you have no idea what I just said or what that means- and that's ok- just know- it was a big responsibility!

My first car- age- 16 (1997)
I loved this car- RIP - hit by train in 1998

I was so thrilled and proud to work for my Dad in his business. I could drive that truck better than any ol' farm hand and boy could I roll that tarp with the best of them- (hint: it's all in the elbow!). I was one hot little truck driver at 18  years old!  But, it became clear that eventually, I'd need to back that big truck up, to a little tiny auger.  Again with the farm talk.  Well anyway- it's not an easy thing to do- you can't SEE the auger.  I clearly remember, that in Atwood, Kansas, there came that time. A whole new experience and clearly- I was having trouble. There was a man, who jumped up on the side of my truck and very awesomely taught me how to back that truck up to the auger.  He taught me what to watch, how to line it up- and he was very patient. We had to stop, pull forward, and back up many times before I could get it right- and he never once yelled at me, got visibly upset or seemed bothered by me.  I can't remember this man's name, now- but I remember exactly what he looked like.

Me, rolling the tarp with a little help from another crew member. (1999)
This was "my truck".

The line up!  Tollefson Harvesting (1999)

What if I had given up that day? What if I decided I couldn't do it, that it was too hard?  I'd have let my Dad down, he would have had to hire a new truck driver. I'd have been demoted to "gopher" again.  But, I took the guidance and expertise from this man- and gave it my best shot.  And while it took some practice- I became very good at backing that truck up!

Things get hard, sometimes. Your going to come up against new territory- new things that are hard.   Don't give up. Find that person who can give you the tools and skills to move past that and then become an expert yourself. Believe in yourself. You can do anything you put your mind to- it's WORTH it to give it your best effort!  I  promise!!!  Let your struggles empower you.

~Amanda "lil pooter"
Signing off.
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