Failure is my Ultimate Fear

Photo source: www.entrepreneur.com

As I get older, I notice more and more things that  might be dubbed as "OCD".  I've noticed a lot of different things that trigger my behaviors.  I've never been diagnosed professionally- but, it's kind of one of those things you just know you have. Of course, many of them could probably also be diagnosed as extreme phobia.  Anyway...

One of the things that causes me great anxiety, is going to a new place. It doesn't really matter what the reason for the going inside the new place, any new place causes me great anxiety. If I know this is going to take place before hand- I stress about it for days.

This week, I had to go into a new bank, to cash a check. Before I could go, I drove across town to ask my husband which door to enter. The thought of entering the wrong door, made me upset. It really bothers me when businesses do not have hours, and information on their front door with a sign that says open- or an obvious notification that this is the door you use.

But, then after finding out which door to use-  I still put it off as long as possible. Would the tellers and employees be in good moods or bad moods? Would they be annoyed that I brought all 3 kids with me? Will I have to show my id to cash this check? What if they can't find my account information?  What if I have a confrontation?  I paced back and forth in front of the building making excuses to the kids why we weren't going in there.

I eventually went through the door and had a great experience with zero issues.  But the anxiety that overcame me, was almost paralyzing.

This certainly is not the first instance this has happened. It happens a lot. Nearly every time I leave the house.  And the funny thing is, once I conquer that place- I never feel that way again about it.

You can imagine how this can directly affect my business. I mean, I am in a party plan based company.  I go to new places all the time. I find hostesses,  events and places to bring my inventory to show new clients- and provide an income for my family.  Going to a new person's home, I often know about it for weeks in advance. And, I go through this anxiety and dread for days.  As I approach these places and homes,  my mind becomes a complete blur. I don't know if adrenaline takes over- but, I doubt any hostess has ever sensed my anxiety.  And, I can only believe it's because- this is my calling.

It's not just buildings, homes or locations. I often get a great deal of anxiety using a new social media platform. What if...I do it wrong? What if... I can't comprehend the platform? What if I ....fail?


But, I constantly strive to learn, master and become an expert at these things.  Because, bigger than my anxiety about these things is my fear of failure. I can't fathom the thought of failing at life.

I know this has gotten me into some pretty hot water at times, but- I can only detail that as, ultimately, a lack of understanding of who I am.  I've been called some pretty ugly things- but, surprisingly, nervous wreck- isn't one of them.

I hate confrontation. If you met me in person, you'd observe that I am very quiet, shy... you'd probably think- wow, she's actually sort of cowering behind her husband.  You might not actively think that, but subconsciously- you'd notice.

I'm tenderhearted. I cry at everything.  Especially...confrontation. I can't control a confrontation- when people come at me in anger, retaliation, or whatever the reason-  I break down.  It debilitates who I am. It's a direct hit to my core.

I'm pretty lucky that I've found some strong pillars in my life. Those who can brace me up when I fall down.  Who hold my arms up, encourage me, and empower me to be better.

I'm very fortunate to be where I am. I may not have made millions or have mansions or even a new shiny car. But, I have success. Each time I conquer that location, that building, that hostess's home, or that new platform and master it...that is a success.

So sometimes, it might take me a little longer to do things. Just wait for me. Give me time.  I might be dealing with a lot more than I show.  I'm going to climb this mountain.  I am going to succeed.

Driving the Red Car

Yesterday, I  was overcome with an overwhelming memory of my first experiences driving a car.

I can remember back when I was about 11, my Dad taking my sister and I out to an old country road, and giving us our first driving lessons. First he showed us all the gadgets, and showed us how when we pushed the gas- the speedometer would change, and when we pushed the brakes, the car would slow down and stop.  He taught us what  P-R-N-D-3-2-1 meant, and then applied it so we could see what he meant.  Then we got to take turns driving. We went all of about a mile on that dirt road between the two of us- and it was the greatest feeling ever.  Scary as could be, but exhilarating at the same time.  I can remember the feeling of power I had, the knowledge that I could control this huge powerful machine, and it was awesome!

Not long after that experience, it became a regular thing that I'd get a call over the CB radio- to come pick up Dad, or my brother from the field.  Always just jumping in the old blue Chevy- and running out there going all of about 30 miles per hour, and no farther than 4 or 5 miles from home.  Always during the day.  Then the call came one time at night, something broke down and they needed me to come get them. No one had ever shown me how to turn the headlights on-  I was panicking!  What do I do? I had no choice, I had to figure it out on my own. See- there was no radio in that truck for me to call for help- I didn't want to go back in the house. I was embarrassed, and determined to make my Dad proud. So I messed with everything in that truck until the lights magically came on- the little button on the floor! Who knew?!   Then driving in the dark- wow, what a change!  But, I did it! And, I was so proud!

Over time- I got a little braver driving and began to go faster on those old dirt roads. One time, I was on my way to the field to get my brother and boy was I kickin' up dust! When I got to the combine- I remember my brother chewing me out for going too fast. I was oblivious to the idea of rolling the truck or  causing an accident. We were only a few miles from home- what could go wrong? I know he was scolding me out of love- NOW- then, I was like what are you freaking out about anyway?

Before long, I was old enough for drivers ed. Now you'd think - all that experience would have had me right on track to pass the class with flying colors and on my way to being the next Mario Andretti- but- honestly. I almost failed! Why?

I had never had to use reverse!  Aside from watching all of those horrible accident videos and reading the boring traffic school textbooks- we had to actually go out and drive a car. Oh boy!

Well, up until this point- I've only ever driven that old blue Chevy! So, the first day the instructor came to pick me up in that shiny red new car- I felt that fear creep up into my very soul! I was terrified!  I got in that car, and pulled out onto the highway, completely white-knuckled for an hour and a half until we got to "the city" to practice driving "in town".  Anxiety.  So. Much. Anxiety!

Well,  at that time, we switched drivers, we messed around with changing a tire and checking the oil and all those weird boy things.... and the other student drove around some- then it was my turn again.  This time we were to practice pulling into a parking space at the mall, and backing out. Say what? People actually do that?  Ok.

So, I pull into the spot, easy peazy. And, I put it into reverse and he says, "Ok, pull out and exit the parking lot to the left." So, I back up and turn the wheel to the left (making me point to the RIGHT of the parking lot). So he kind of clears his throat and tells me to park again and back out so I can exit left.  I repeated my same action.  Now, clearly irritated, he begins to get irate with me. I'm in tears. I can't comprehend how to make the car go the way I want it to.  I had never had to back up-  out on the farm-  I just turned the truck around by driving forward in a circle.  We must have parked and reversed a dozen times before he decided to let the other student take a shot at it.  Clearly giving up on me.  She asked for a break , and I was bawling in the back seat. She happened to be my best friend, well- she crawled back there with me and told me calm down. Then she did something remarkable. She took out a scratch piece of paper, and began to draw a car, and parking spots and an complete visual tutorial for me so that I could comprehend "reverse".  I never realized what a pivotal moment that was in my life.  I wish I had kept that drawing.

So,  I finally showed the instructor that I could indeed operate this red car, and I passed. I went on to get my permit, drivers license and later in life- even taught my husband how to drive.

How often do we go through life just learning the basic skills to get by? In our jobs and careers- do we only do enough to go forward? Do we get a little excited and rush ahead, only to get in trouble for being careless? Do we forget to go back sometimes, and exit left?  Maybe you never learned the entire process? Have you never had that person show you the step by step?

Do you now see how that is holding you back?  There is a pivotal moment in your life, in your career- where you need to take different instruction and learn a new technique. There are times where you need guidance, understanding, and expertise, to help you find the right direction. What would happen had I not calmed myself down, and not listened to my friend? I'd have failed the class. I would have had to wait another year to take the tests.  I'd have lost even more self esteem and respect.  And it would have been all my fault.

Several years later, I was hired on as a truck operator in my Dad's custom harvesting crew. Itty bitty farm truck, you ask? No way. I was now in charge of a grain truck! I had to get a special permit and everything! Now, I had to drive that truck from North Dakota, all the way to Oklahoma- pulling a trailer with combine headers on it. If you don't do farm talk- you have no idea what I just said or what that means- and that's ok- just know- it was a big responsibility!

My first car- age- 16 (1997)
I loved this car- RIP - hit by train in 1998

I was so thrilled and proud to work for my Dad in his business. I could drive that truck better than any ol' farm hand and boy could I roll that tarp with the best of them- (hint: it's all in the elbow!). I was one hot little truck driver at 18  years old!  But, it became clear that eventually, I'd need to back that big truck up, to a little tiny auger.  Again with the farm talk.  Well anyway- it's not an easy thing to do- you can't SEE the auger.  I clearly remember, that in Atwood, Kansas, there came that time. A whole new experience and clearly- I was having trouble. There was a man, who jumped up on the side of my truck and very awesomely taught me how to back that truck up to the auger.  He taught me what to watch, how to line it up- and he was very patient. We had to stop, pull forward, and back up many times before I could get it right- and he never once yelled at me, got visibly upset or seemed bothered by me.  I can't remember this man's name, now- but I remember exactly what he looked like.

Me, rolling the tarp with a little help from another crew member. (1999)
This was "my truck".

The line up!  Tollefson Harvesting (1999)

What if I had given up that day? What if I decided I couldn't do it, that it was too hard?  I'd have let my Dad down, he would have had to hire a new truck driver. I'd have been demoted to "gopher" again.  But, I took the guidance and expertise from this man- and gave it my best shot.  And while it took some practice- I became very good at backing that truck up!

Things get hard, sometimes. Your going to come up against new territory- new things that are hard.   Don't give up. Find that person who can give you the tools and skills to move past that and then become an expert yourself. Believe in yourself. You can do anything you put your mind to- it's WORTH it to give it your best effort!  I  promise!!!  Let your struggles empower you.

~Amanda "lil pooter"
Signing off.
10-4

Define Definition

Does anyone else use google to find definitions of words or is that just a nerdy thing that I do?

Like- not weird words- simple everyday words. Sometimes, I just like to know the exact definition of a word.
 For instance: Support and Micromanage. 
 I wanted to know, exactly, the definition of each term because apparently so many people are confusing the two! People who have never had true support in their business will often come into a new opportunity and when they receive an extreme amount of support- they immediately feel like they are being micro-managed.  
So how can we change this misconception of definition?

Recently there seems to be a very distinct line when it comes to direct sales personalities.  There are those who  crave the support and sisterhood/family like approach in a team.  And then there are those who feel like anyone who offers support or reaches out is stepping out of bounds and nosing in where they don't belong. They feel greatly violated and like anyone who asks, "how did your event go?"- is asking questions that are too personal!  

I've always offered my team an direct, hands on, extreme support kind of opportunity. I never want anyone to feel alone or lost. I pour hours and hours of my time into learning everything I can. I read books, watch webinars, attend meetings and conventions and then, pass on everything I learn to not only my team- but many, many others in our company-and sometimes even people not in our company.  I feel obligated to run my business this way.  I crave knowledge, I love being able to provide this kind of free help and knowledge to others.  I love that at the end of the day- I have helped someone better their circumstance or situation.  I don't ever try to do the work for anyone. I try not to say things like "this is the only way" or, "you have to do it this way"- but rather, "this is what I have learned" or "this was my experience".  I also follow the direct leadership's example. I follow shining examples of success and duplicate that.  I ask the questions that the leaders ask me. Because, my business is kind of their business. My success helps their success. We all kind of work together for total success.  It's true- my success is only accredited to my hard work and effort- what I put in, I get out- but, having that support all around me- is something that really moves me from "good" to "great".  

But lately it seems, there are some who find this type of support and help- smothering, intrusive or even abusive.  I can't comprehend that. If someone offers you their time, knowledge and endless support-  why would that be such a bad thing? I was not designed to be alone- work alone- and struggle through things alone. I was made to be interactive.  

I want to learn how to be the best leader I can possibly be.  I am constantly learning new leadership skills. I am following new leaders each day in all sorts of industries- to learn new things.  I want to master these skills and use them help people find success and happiness and, "business peace of mind".  No one should be unhappy or feeling alone or scared in their business.  

Leaders- how do you handle people who feel smothered by support? 

 “Leadership is the act of taking a person or group of people to a place they would not normally get to on their own” ~Unknown

Find more great leadership quotes here.

Why Do I do the "selfie" thing?

My Mom and I- at a Baseball Game

My Mom and I- Christmastime 2014

I have 7 minutes left for Wednesday- lol.

This was my ‪#‎wearitwednesday‬‪#‎wiw‬ selfie. It was just a regular work from home day for me so I was all about the hippie headband and my favorite teal necklace- I put my jewelry on even if I'm not going anywhere- because, it helps me feel beautiful every day. When Founder Trent Kirby was trying to name the company after they decided to make it a party plan business- he wanted the name to reflect his feeling that EVERY woman should feel so beautiful, that the Paparazzi would follow them everywhere. He was truly thinking of the consultants and customers even before Paparazzi was born.
I hardly ever allowed my picture to be taken before I started selling this jewelry.

 I find pieces that fit my qwerky nature, my goofy side, my fun and whimsical moods, and my serious- little black dress let's get this hot date on moods. When I can find something to fit my every crazy mood- I feel more confident and radiant. And that is just a small little tidbit reason why I love this business. Watch for my selfies- because it's not just about showing off some pretty jewelry- it's about me finding my self confidence, my self esteem and a little bit of joy! (Whew- finished this novel with 2 minutes to spare!)

Above, are a few more fun selfies I've taken over the past few months- just for fun. ;)

How to Survive The Red, White and Blue- Holiday!

Here are 10 simple tips to survive the holiday as a business person!

As we get ready for one of the biggest celebrations of the year, let's all remember some safety tips:

1) Going out of town? Don't forget your business cards! Leave them in gas stations all along the way! And wash your hands often.
 
2) Don't get so plastered, that people will remember you as the drunk jewelry lady. That's not good for business. Be responsible.

3) Don't be the over-salesy family member. You might get yourself a fat lip.

4) If you have a wearable product, wear it- but, don't flaunt it.  Just be yourself.

5) Don't forget to hydrate. No matter where you are this weekend, the temps are likely to be high- you'll be having fun and celebrating- but don't forget the H2o.  Heatstroke, dehydration and other heat related emergencies are at their peak this time of  year- don't let yourself get sick.

6) It's ok to find a cool spot to rest.  And wear sunscreen.  Sunburns are NO FUN.

7) Don't blow yourself up. That's bad for business.  If you are doing your own fireworks this year- don't get too crazy- practice safe setups, and keep the water hose nearby.

8) Relax and have fun. We work hard all year long in our business- it's ok to breathe and have fun.

9) Eat something new.  Go ahead, be a little adventurous.

10) Meet some new friends.  It's absolutely ok to meet strangers- and make connections. Just don't go getting into any vans with no windows that have "free candy" spray painted on the side!

Happy 4th of July!  Celebrate!